I've had mental health issues for a long time, but the spiritual side is very difficult – thinking God hates me and all the rest of it. It's made my condition worse. Sometimes I can't make out what's real and what isn't. They've diagnosed me with schizophrenia which I'm not sure is the right diagnosis.
I seem to pick up a lot of problems: I have permanent dizziness, tinnitus and find it hard to balance whilst walking. I hear voices, different voices sometimes. I try to talk to my friends about it, but it gets monotonous because they can't do much about it.
If you've never had voices, you can't understand it. There's always jokes about people who hear voices, you can even get T-shirts with slogans like ‘when the voices say no, you're just jealous they're not speaking to you'. I think to myself, ‘if only you knew what living with it was like.'
Uncertainty and Reality
Sometimes I can't make out what's real and what isn't. This confusion only adds to the frustration and difficulty of daily life. When your own thoughts and senses become unreliable, the struggle goes beyond mental health—it affects everything you try to do in ordinary moments.
I've lost interest in things. Because I can't drive anymore, I've started collecting vintage model cars to try and keep myself interested. It got to the point where people were saying to me that I needed a hobby. I used to collect cars eight years ago, so I thought I might as well start collecting them again.
I've got quite a few and built my collection up after selling it a few years ago. It has become a way to keep myself engaged, even if it doesn't completely take away the sense of loss I feel from everything else.
Finding Support in Groups
I'm relieved when I go to the Wiltshire Hearing Voices group because it gives me a couple of hours to socialise after spending so much time on my own. Meeting up with likeminded people is good for me. The group is brilliant and the people are really nice. Going to the group is something I look forward to - it's like a break when it's all too much.
I've been to a couple of different hearing voices groups in the past but this one is the most successful. There is a sense of openness and acceptance that makes it easier to be there. It doesn't matter how much you choose to share—it still feels helpful.
A Place of Belonging
We have the group every two weeks for a couple of hours. It's pretty open – you can go in, you don't even have to say anything. There could be three or four people there, sometimes it can be fourteen. If someone needs to get something off their chest, they can. Sometimes people will go there once; some people, like me, tend to go all the time.
I've been going for years, I'm one of the people who has been there the longest so I see a lot of comings and goings. The continuity gives me comfort, even though many faces change over time. It's a place where people truly understand what it's like to live with experiences like mine.
Encouraging Others
I've got a friend who I've encouraged to go to the group as well because I think it'll help him. I'm hoping to see him there next time. Sharing this space with someone I know feels like extending the same support I've found. It's more than just attending a meeting—it's building connections, hope, and resilience together.
For me, the group remains a constant reminder that even though the struggles don't vanish, being around others who understand makes it all just a little easier to bear. Meeting up with likeminded people has become an anchor in my life.